Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties, sign up for
various activities and ask friends and family if they know anyone
they can introduce you to. Yet, your dating life has been more than
a little disappointing. What is a guy/girl supposed to do to find
quality people?
Begin by continuing to do what you have been doing. These are all
good ways to meet people. However, you may need to expand your search
to the world of online dating. This would allow you to expand your
search and come into contact with interested and available singles
you would never meet in the existing circles in which you now move.
Perhaps you are thinking, "I have already tried this with
little or mixed success." Maybe this too has become a source
of disappointment and frustration and even despair. If so, you could
be going about it the wrong way, or be in need of some information
to put you on a track to better success. The first important step
is writing your personal ad and choosing a good site to place it
on.
The following are tips to help you write for success.
* Be Yourself
The goal of your ad is to attract the kind of person who would
be compatible with you. You are looking for someone who shares your
goals, values, sense of humor, lifestyle and perhaps religion or
other specific criteria. If you put in information that is not true
to who you are, you could send potentially good dates on to the
next ad. You may also attract the kind of person you are not interested
in.
* Be Sincere
Nothing is more attractive than sincerity. Think about it. Isn't
this a turn-on for you? If you are funny, be funny. If you are serious,
be that. Use honesty in describing your traits and desires in a
potential mate. If there is something that is a must-have for you
in any future relationship, highlight it. Remember that when and
if you move to the next step, the other person will experience you
as you really are, regardless of what the picture you drew for them
in your ad looked like.
* Write Like You Talk
This goes right along with being you. Don't make your ad seem too
contrived or rehearsed. You will loose that feeling of sincerity.
Write a few drafts and just let the thoughts flow. Then go back
and edit it. Make sure you spell check and check again. There is
no bigger turn-off than someone who appears to have poor grammar
or spelling.
* Be Specific, But Leave Out Hang-Ups and Other Negatives
This is a first step. You want to put your true best forward. The
picture you paint should be upbeat and positive. Everyone has a
past. It's not wise too tell too much too soon. If you feel something
is important, than put it in. A good example is "single mom",
"divorced father of two", etc. Leave out the part about
looking for someone to help me heal from a painful divorce. Do not
mention past relationships except to inform that you had one.
* Highlight Your Uniqueness
There are things about us all that make us uniquely who we are.
Let your ad portray this. If you have a special talent, interesting
career or pastime, let people know about it. If it's important to
you, it tells others much. If someone out there shares it, they
will be drawn to what you have written.
Find a unique way to highlight yourself. If you look like someone
well known, put that in. Just remember, if you look like Woody Allen,
don't portray yourself as a Robert Redford type.
* Avoid classic turn-offs
If you place a heavy emphasis on finding someone who is "beautiful"
or "wealthy", you will turn off many people- often the
very people who hope to attract. No one wants to be wanted for his
or her looks or bank account. It also says something about you.
How about superficial?
* Use a Picture
This is very important. Ads that don't have one get far fewer responses.
Many singles are having a professional picture made of them. You
want to look like your BEST self. A professional can usually do
a much better job at a very reasonable cost if you shop around a
bit.
* Post Your Ad On The Right Site
There are so many choices out there. Look for one that has a large
membership of people who appear to be compatible with you. Make
sure they have an enforced safety and privacy policy. There are
specialty sites for people who seek a partner with a very particular
passion or lifestyle. These include but are not limited to: animal
lovers, vegetarians, advanced degreed professionals, and sites for
people seeking those of the same faith.
If your requirements include someone within a close geographical
distance, look for the sites that offer you a good selection.
Once you have given it careful thought and a little research and
energy, write and post your ad for success.
Remember, we attract what we are, not what we want.
Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in
private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working
with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships.
Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship
counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder
and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship
Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships
Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement
and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written
numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating
and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art
of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly.
http://www.consum-mate.com
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