| How
to Attract a Man (Who Will Make You Happy for the Rest of Your Life!)
Dating Advice By Terry Hernon MacDonald
"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything
but the best, you very often get it."--Somerset Maugham
An educated, successful, and attractive woman (we’ll call
Jane) reports that she “really wants to get married.”
When asked what she’s looking for in a husband, her response
is a blank stare. She just wants a husband, she says. She’s
already picked out her engagement ring.
Most of her friends are married or getting married, and she’s
sick of her mother’s weekly calls announcing the weddings
of her grammar school classmates. She’s tried speed dating
and singles’ dances. She’s made plans for drinks, only
to endure the humiliation of being stood up more than once. She’s
had blind dates, which invariably end with her getting out of some
man’s car and hoping he’ll call again. He usually doesn’t,
and she wonders what is wrong with her. She never considers whether
she even liked the guy.
She has made marriage her goal. She may achieve it one day, but
she’d be so much better off if she made a happy marriage her
goal. She must rub the vision of herself in a Vera Wang wedding
dress out of her mind. First, she must determine the qualities she
desires in a husband, and also exactly what she expects from marriage.
Otherwise, she could end up with the wrong man. The consequences
range from a life of misery to death at the hands of an abuser.
Another woman (we’ll call Pat) has been married for twenty
years. Her husband buys himself presents for her birthday, like
the soap dish and wine glasses he wanted but she didn’t. More
insultingly, he gave her Dr. Laura’s new book, The Proper
Care and Feeding of Husbands.
He has a rotten temper. Once, he threw their toddler’s Barney
furniture off the back deck and smashed it into pieces because it
cluttered the kitchen.
Pat complains that her husband monitors her spending relentlessly.
He pitched a fit when she spent $2.95 on a pencil sharpener. He
decides when the heat and air conditioning can run and at what temperature.
One brutally hot day, he screamed at her for having the audacity
to turn on the ceiling fan without his permission.
Pat maintains that her children love their father, but they don’t
like him. They steer clear of him whenever possible, especially
since his method of punishment is to lock them in a room and make
them listen to Dr. Laura.
She and her husband both have good jobs, but she is “much
better educated” than he. So, how did she get stuck with this
creep?
Pat met him when she was 23. He was 29 and from another part of
the country, which made him seem worldly. She was so flattered to
be with an older guy, so caught up in having fun, that she forgot
to take account of his values.
“He used to talk about how his grandfathers ruled the roost,”
she says. “All the women in their family were beholden to
their husbands. He even used to tell me the things his grandfather
would do to his grandmother.”
This man told her flat-out that his family diminished women, but
she was having too good a time to let it sink in. Twenty years later,
she’s depressed, frightened, and unhappy. She has no self-confidence.
Even though she has a good job, she is terrified to go it alone
without her husband. She’s a prisoner.
Unless Jane raises her standards, she may find herself in Pat’s
situation one day. She must stop being desperate. She should make
a list of the good qualities she has to offer and read it whenever
she starts to feel bad about not being married. She should make
a list of the qualities she desires in a husband (“kind”
should trump “rich”). Reading this list several times
a day will help her attract men with these qualities.
She must stop viewing every guy she dates as a potential husband.
She must observe a man coolly, rather than cling to him as if he’s
the last bus out of the depot.
It’s critical that she listen carefully when a man talks
about other women. Does he look up to his mother, or is does she
still make his bed? Does he treat his sisters with respect, or is
their main purpose in life making the potato salad? How does he
talk about the women in his office? If his boss is female, does
he resent her?
It’s key to see how he behaves among other men, as well.
Is he always playing “top it” with the bigger car, the
bigger TV, or the bigger whatever? If so, Jane should tread carefully.
He’s insecure. Eventually, he’s going to take it out
on her.
Women can learn much about a man by the way he drives. Does he
tailgate? Does he weave in and out of traffic, or is he respectful
of other motorists? Does he drive considerately in residential neighborhoods,
or does he blaze through? Does he toss burger wrappers out the window
at stoplights, or does he treat public property as he would his
own?
It doesn’t matter whether Jane is 17 or 65. She must never
make excuses for a man’s bad behavior because he might be
her last chance. She must shut off the brainwashing machine. No
woman ever has to get married! The single life can be fun and full
of adventure. No woman should ever give that up for the wrong man.
Marriage does not always equal happiness. Marriage does not always
equal success.
But, if Jane plays her cards right, it could. Once she raises her
standards for the men she’ll go out with, better men will
appear. (This is a promise.) She won’t have to jump through
hoops to find dates. The losers, abusers, and No-Show Joes she used
to put up with will disappear. They’ll sense that she’s
out of their league.
Jane will be on her way to finding not just a husband, but also
a man who makes her happiness as important as his own.
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of How to Attract and Marry
the Man of Your Dreams (Even if You're Not Rich, Thin, or Beautiful).
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/
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