You may have a great personal ad... and a wonderful smiling
photo to go with your ad... but things can still fall apart if you
are sending out an awkward first message in response to other people's
ads. What can you do to make that first message work for you?
DO:
Write in advance. This lets you think about what you want to say
about yourself and, more importantly, check your spelling and grammar.
Have a friend read and react to your draft message.
Spellcheck. Yes, this counts. It shows that you are serious about
finding dates and willing to pay attention to details. Some people
are just natural bad spellers, but it can make you look less smart
or less educated than you really are. Most websites do not offer
spellchecking of profiles.
Personalize! We recommend writing a general template of a first
message, but you have to personalize it for each person you contact.
Mention something from their profile, ask a question that refers
to something they wrote, or describe how you would be a good match
for them. Mention what attracted your attention to their ad. No
one wants to think they just received a form letter.
Write more than one line. "Liked your profile... want to chat?"
This may be the most commonly-sent message on a dating website...
and the most ignored. You need to say something else. Set yourself
apart and say something interesting to get a reply.
Use humor. If someone with a great personal ad is receiving lots
of replies... what will make yours stand out? A funny line might
help. But if you have noticed that people do not respond well to
your brand of humor... save your jokes for later.
Keep track of whom you've contacted. Don't write a series of letters
to someone who has not responded... you'll look desperate or like
a stalker.
DON'T:
Don't demand personal info immediately. Certainly not if you have
failed to offered any details yourself. Go for a balance between
talking about yourself and asking about them.
Don't open with your last failed relationship. Sure, you have a
dating history. But talking about "game players, liars, and
cheats" makes you sound a little bitter. Don't sound like you
are obsessed with past partners... or that you think everyone will
hurt you.
Don't open with sex. "Hi. You look sexy." Unless the
person's ad specifically says they only want a casual sexual relationship,
it can easily sound vulgar and rude. Women, in particular, typically
delete those messages. When men get letters like that, they often
expect a link to a porn site to follow. Even on a website that focuses
on "adult activities," you need to do more than describe
your body or fantasies.
Don't write a novel. Sending out your life story as a first contact
is going to look odd. You need to write enough to sound like you
have a life, not a book you'd like to publish.
Don't open with "I hate online dating." It is amazing
how many people open a note with a line that condemns online dating
sites and the people that use them. You are talking to someone that
uses a dating website! Do you really want to immediately imply that
they are desperate, dumb, or dangerous?
Don't ask for a phone number, address, or last name before you
have even gotten a reply from someone. You may be mistaken for a
serial killer or a telemarketer. Go slowly in asking for that sort
of information; you don't want to scare off prospective dates.
© Dateable.com LLC 2002
___________________
About the author: Tracy Brant is a freelance writer and an editor
at Dateable.com. She can be contacted at tracy@dateable.com.
Dateable.com is an exciting online community for singles, couples
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